"Are you her chosen one?" he asked himself.
Long into the night, as he tossed and turned through yet another sleepless night, he pondered upon his eternal question, "Are you a victim of circumstances? Of life? Of ras leela?"
"Are you blessed by just arriving at the right time at the right place?
Or, are you cursed by arriving at the wrong time at the wrong place?"
Silence.
Just then his refrigerator's compressor kicked on.
"Do you deserve to be where you are now?
Do you deserve the role(s) you play?
Is your role sustained due to fear?
Are you irreplaceable?
Are you just her 'also love'?
Or, are you her passion for life?"
More silence.
"Are you just another throw of dice in this random universe? Are you the method in this madness? Are you the order in this chaos?" he asked himself.
Deafening silence.
Finding no answers, he burned inside. Nothing could quench his thirst. Nothing could deliver him peace. Nothing could deliver him what he seeks though he seeks what others have sought before and attained.
If he wasn't the one, shouldn't he leave? Make way for love to bloom as it should? Is he an obstruction that only he can destroy?
Shouldn't he make way for two souls who yearn for each other?
Why is he just a witness in his own love story?
Why did he expect her to say:
"No matter what, I would've always chosen you."?
He switches on the TV and surfs. There is nothing better to do. His mind hums and drums. He listens to old classics on the Mastii channel; one of his favorite songs is on: "Chalo ek baar phir se... Ajnabi ban jaye hum dono..."
He watches and listens to few more songs. Songs that bring about associations of the past.
Meanwhile, over her wallpapered doe-eyes on his cracked Home and Lock screen, his Asus zenphone screams, "It's 1 am. Go to sleep. Try at least. There's work tomorrow." He craves for a vada pav. He smiles and brushes away that impossible wish.
Loud silence.
A train's horn breaks it, as he lies down again. He looks at the pillow she left behind, as he breaks into a cold sweat. He sniffs her pillow and that kurti she had left upon her stuffed toy dog. They still smell of her perspiration's odor mixed with her deodorant's scent. Always a heady mix for him. A dog barks in the orchard adjacent to his building's compound. Few more join in the howling party.
He had barely slept a wink when he heard a neighbor washing clothes in the balcony diagonally above his flat... Now, a familiar and punctual sight and sound. It was time to get up. Rub those red eyes. Stretch that neck and move those heavy shoulders. To go to work. His only dreaded constant.
Going through the motions without her by his side, he laughed on the outside. All his wisdom and his knowledge deserted him like morning birds that flew away.
He wanted to be with her. By her side always. As her one. But he was alone. Again.
And this time, for the first time ever... He felt lonely, too.
After a long time, a mood piece. I love writing mood pieces. :-)
Long into the night, as he tossed and turned through yet another sleepless night, he pondered upon his eternal question, "Are you a victim of circumstances? Of life? Of ras leela?"
"Are you blessed by just arriving at the right time at the right place?
Or, are you cursed by arriving at the wrong time at the wrong place?"
Silence.
Just then his refrigerator's compressor kicked on.
"Do you deserve to be where you are now?
Do you deserve the role(s) you play?
Is your role sustained due to fear?
Are you irreplaceable?
Are you just her 'also love'?
Or, are you her passion for life?"
More silence.
"Are you just another throw of dice in this random universe? Are you the method in this madness? Are you the order in this chaos?" he asked himself.
Deafening silence.
Finding no answers, he burned inside. Nothing could quench his thirst. Nothing could deliver him peace. Nothing could deliver him what he seeks though he seeks what others have sought before and attained.
If he wasn't the one, shouldn't he leave? Make way for love to bloom as it should? Is he an obstruction that only he can destroy?
Shouldn't he make way for two souls who yearn for each other?
Why is he just a witness in his own love story?
Why did he expect her to say:
"No matter what, I would've always chosen you."?
He switches on the TV and surfs. There is nothing better to do. His mind hums and drums. He listens to old classics on the Mastii channel; one of his favorite songs is on: "Chalo ek baar phir se... Ajnabi ban jaye hum dono..."
He watches and listens to few more songs. Songs that bring about associations of the past.
Meanwhile, over her wallpapered doe-eyes on his cracked Home and Lock screen, his Asus zenphone screams, "It's 1 am. Go to sleep. Try at least. There's work tomorrow." He craves for a vada pav. He smiles and brushes away that impossible wish.
Loud silence.
A train's horn breaks it, as he lies down again. He looks at the pillow she left behind, as he breaks into a cold sweat. He sniffs her pillow and that kurti she had left upon her stuffed toy dog. They still smell of her perspiration's odor mixed with her deodorant's scent. Always a heady mix for him. A dog barks in the orchard adjacent to his building's compound. Few more join in the howling party.
He had barely slept a wink when he heard a neighbor washing clothes in the balcony diagonally above his flat... Now, a familiar and punctual sight and sound. It was time to get up. Rub those red eyes. Stretch that neck and move those heavy shoulders. To go to work. His only dreaded constant.
Going through the motions without her by his side, he laughed on the outside. All his wisdom and his knowledge deserted him like morning birds that flew away.
He wanted to be with her. By her side always. As her one. But he was alone. Again.
And this time, for the first time ever... He felt lonely, too.
After a long time, a mood piece. I love writing mood pieces. :-)
3 comments:
The title enticed me...for some reason, I have recently been randomly hearing this song on the radio and so I *had* to read this post. Beautiful, poignant.
Best wishes,
Sonya Kassam
Thanks, Sonya. It's been a long time since a new leaf fell here. Please read more pages from my book of life.
I'll read yours too.
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