To TVMalai

Early morning on Saturday, I headed out to Thiruvannamalai (TVMalai). In a PP bus for just Rs.55 one way!

This was my first trip alone to TVMalai.

It rained and drizzled all the way. I reached at 11.30am and took a rickshaw straight from the bus-stand to Guru’s temple. I was there just in time for the last aarti before he closed the nada.

It felt really good meeting him after such a long time. He had not changed a bit. He had slimmed down a bit… and I missed his long hair!

The innocent, charming smile, the happy-to-see-you look was there as usual.

I told him about all the recent developments (how she left me… how she told me that she can be my teacher and me her student; the idea of redefining the relationship… etc. etc.)

He laughed at that! He was shocked. He said, “I knew you both were in love, but I never disclosed that I knew it!” We smiled. We communicated in broken Tamil, English, Malayalam, a bit of body and sign language too! It was awesome communicating like that… and we understood each other so clearly…

Then, we had lunch together.

We talked and lot of truths came to light. He said that at 32 (NOT 45) I’ll attain something… that will bring me fame and wealth and stuff like that. He said I’ll attain new levels of spirituality and meditation… but said that I’ll never become a sanyasi, as I did not have that yogam.

I specifically asked him whether it is 45 or 32… and he said 32! I asked will I have a so called affinity towards women till the age of 45, and he said, “no nothing like that!”

I realized that I had been misinformed earlier.

I asked him about the rituals I have to perform at Tiruchendur to remove the sarpa dosham. I noted the tasks in the order to be performed.

Then, I asked him to check my horoscope with respect to Leena’s horoscope, the woman who loves me (in spite of me being me). He did all the calculations… it turned out fine. “All 12 planets match,” he said!

He said, “I have just three years more; 2009 death. Then, I will take rebirth!” I was stunned. Something hit me. He continued, “I received signal from my guru… before that I have to conduct satsangs…”

We agreed, “Tatasthu! May the will of God prevail.”

Then, he asked me about Leena. Our story.

I told him:
“Leena waited for me because she knew that I’ll come back to her. Love, like God, works in strange ways… I don’t know whether I deserve her.

I went back to her not because I was afraid to start my life afresh but because I feel that everything happens for a reason. I crushed my ego and asked her whether she still loves me… and she said, “Come back to me.”

That was the most magnanimous gesture I have ever experienced in life and I could not say no. I knew I had to answer a lot of people and many would never understand… (because they have never been where you have been).”

He understood in his own silent way.

He talked to Leena over the phone and cleared all her hypothetical doubts and queries. They bonded over the phone, and he invited her to come and meet him personally. Such a nice man… he treats all equally.

He shares all his knowledge to all who seek. He was about to make Sri Chakra yantra for a person who had come to meet him. That guy belonged to his native place, Srirangam! He was staying in TVMalai for the past eight months and met him only on Saturday! Strange are the ways that God weaves his magic!

While my guru was busy with the horoscope calculations… he introduced me to Thyagu… Thyagu had worked as an officer with HSBC in Malaysia. He left everything and came to India seeking spirituality, peace, and oneness with nature.

Thyagu and I talked on world economics (I did not know I could talk about economics till then!), and nature, and philosophy. He asked me a queer question, “Do I look like a sadhu to you?” I did not answer.

Thyagu showed me a poem he had translated from my guru’s works:

Shiva is the divine father,
Devi is the divine mother,
Adi Shankara is the divine teacher,
And you and I are the divine child.

Wow!

I left feeling happy, relieved, and peaceful. My guru once cleared my doubts for me. He showed me the path and the truth. Oh, I was such a fool!

Anyways, like a zen master once said: “To be what you are, you sometimes have to be what you are not.”

I am sorry because in that process I hurt you, baby. And I feel so foolish… that I will never be able to forgive myself.

Before parting, I said, “Life is our only teacher!” “Avaladaan” he exclaimed!