Thiruvannamalai… a place that haunts me. What brought me to this magnetic place?
My fate?
My destiny?
My curiosity?
My longing?
My seeking?
Or are these ours, not just mine?
Am I open enough to accept people who are closed?
Am I wise enough not to share what I think I know with people who don’t want to know?
Am I a teacher?
If I am, am I good enough?
What is life, if not an experience?
What good is it if I walk treaded paths? If I do, how do I leave a legacy behind? What about people related to me?
Do I have the right to follow my dreams at the cost of hurting or avoiding or neglecting their needs or wants or dreams?
Can we all co-exist? This question surely must have plagued all creative geniuses at some point in life. But, we know them because they followed their dreams.
What about all those people they hurt in the process of following their own dreams?
Could they not take them along?
Or, did they not want to go along their path?
Who is being selfish? The dreamers or their relatives?
I know I don’t owe anybody anything on earth but why the feeling to please them? To care for others?
What makes me a human? My heart? My thoughts? My actions? My soul? My religion? My god?
Are concepts more important than people? If they are, then these hardcore, fundamentalist terrorists are not at all bad people? Are they?
Who rules my life? Me or seven planets and the sun and the moon? Is this the interplay and the intercourse that I do not see?
If I rule, why bother about them? If they rule, why should I live?
Can I ask what is it that I want?
What is important to me?
Will I be truly happy without an impossible dream?
What is it that makes me a man?
Why do I love and guard that child inside?
Why do I sometimes crave to be a child again?
Why do I lust for women and girls?
Why do I fantasize? Why don’t I feel the need to stop?
Why do I love making love and love loving it when most masters have renounced it? When did they feel the need? Why don’t I feel the need?
What is it that I am still looking for?
Why do I feel lost in a crowd?
Why do I feel alone in a city?
Why do I love villages?
Why is that dream of a small, self-sufficient farmhouse with a well and a windmill nearby such an elusive dream? I know I am not doing anything towards it. What is holding me back?
Why are words so important to me?
Why this urge to write?
Why is life an interplay between two extremes for me?
What is the importance of intercourse?
What is churning inside me?
What is evolution? Knowing and writing, or knowing and not writing?
Why do we search for symbols where there are none?
Am I a pendulum? Can I be a compass?
Why don’t I feel the need to proclaim: “My God is better than yours.”?
5 comments:
Scintillating! Pendulum, or compass, I feel you are on track. Just keep going. Dont stop your WHYs, and for God's sake never ever stop to say:"My God is better than yours".
Yes, there certainly is some magic at Thiruvannamalai...the obscure town that has drawn many an enlightened souls.
I also especially liked these lines:"When did they feel the need? Why don’t I feel the need?"
Keep churning so more regularly. I eagerly look forward to it.
Thank you for taking time to read my earlier excuses called writing :)
Your comments made me jog back on memory lane...
Revathi,
Thanks for your regular reading here. It helps to know that people read what you write.
Meera,
You are welcome; hope that you visit often and give me your feedback.
Hi Abhilash,
So beautifully written! I loved reading it and i can identify with many thoughts mentioned in it.
I am looking forward to going to TVMalai this month with great aspirations and passion, hoping to find that 'deep quiet'....and TVMAlai is just one of the many places i hope to visit for that, there are many other such places in my wish-list.
And yes, continue asking questions even if it makes your thinking and your world go round and round....
In reading your work "Interplay and intercourse" I felt as though it came from my own soul. How long I have had these very thoughts? How long have I starved to find the balance between interplay and intercourse? When will it come? Which way is correct? How can I fulfill my soul, and not hurt those who love and depend on me for providence and example? God help us all.
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