I am trying to be content with my self and my life.
Because the variety and number of dreams that I have is so fucking staggering... that I could only fulfill them, if I was a Vijay Mallya or Gautam Singhania.
All I am trying to do, right now, is understand what all I want in life. It is a crossroad that I am on. The turn I take decides where I land up. Problem is the river cannot flow back unless the next cycle comes up. The road cannot be retraced. I have to walk ahead.
When I look at my heroes, I feel small. I have somewhere come to realize that I don't have the talent that my heroes had. I am being disillusioned with my dreams of being a great writer. I am just a good writer, and there are enough good writers in the world. Just check out the number of people who blog... who write good poetry. I am not unique. Like Pablo Neruda, like Bob Dylan, like Rumi...
I think I have to focus my energies to one direction and stop thinking that I am one multi-faceted genius... I am no Leonardo, no Einstein... no Keats. I am just a jack of all trades, master of none. In other words, a better version of my father.
I am just another ordinary human being. I can't inspire people; I can't be a leader either. I just have to live the life of a mediocre human being. Nothing wrong with that.
Just that I'll continue to keep writing. And I'll see where I end up. Just that I won't be shattered anymore.
So right now, I'll try to save up enough money to start my own cafe... my Renaissance cafe where painters, poets, artists and craftsmen will meet, brainstorm, and exhibit work. That looks feasible. That looks possible. Just have to hope that another abhilash somewhere does not think of the same concept and start it before I do!!! After I fucking finish my house loan. And other responsibilities.
I hope that I do work as a teacher somewhere sometime. I wish I do work as a waiter in a Barista cafe sometime... I wish I can backpack across the world sometime... I wish... all my dreams come true.
But they may not.
And therefore, all I wish is that I live through this life with as much grace and courage as possible. Simple life. Not spectacular. Nothing grand.
3 comments:
why do I detect a negative tone?? well, just read this story by Paulo.
http://www.warriorofthelight.com/engl/index.html
Issue no. 92
The Pianist in the Shopping Center
Why do you write no such posts anymore? Have you lost fire? Has work killed your creativity.
The idea of a Renaissance cafe where painters, poets, artists and craftsmen can meet to brainstorm and exhibit work is possible.
A lovely, beautiful idea indeed !
Love the sound of it. The whole world is at your disposal! Can be done !
It can also be a place where talks can be held...poetry read aloud while customers sip tea and where artists including budding artists can showcase their talent and debuts. It can be a place where budding aspiring artists can be given the opportunity to meet established artists...where they can share, teach, guide and exchange notes. A place where arts can thrive and be kept alive.
Place where journalists can meet and unwind and obtain new stories for the next day's edition. Where they can perhaps write on someone and give the new artist some credit and nudge.
Where writer's can come and as they unwind, get inspired with new ideas and wild imagination for the next sequel or book.
Please see these websites
http://www.theartshouse.com.sg/
http://www.poetrysociety.org.uk/content/cafe/
http://www.onlinecollege.org/2011/04/13/15-most-famous-cafes-in-the-literary-world/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuyorican_Poets_Caf%C3%A9
http://www.vpaj.org/events/poetry-night-redbones-blues-cafe-8pm-0
With the cafe, you can also teach!
With the cafe, you can also screen short films
All one needs is to know what one wants to do. Once that is confirmed, then just put in the EFFORT and work at it. Ask yourself the question and you will get the answer. You know best !
And besides, know that you are not alone and never alone! :)
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