Realization, yesternight

Yesternight, she called me and made me realize my flaws. My follies. I had been searching for an answer for such a long, long time.

Why had my earlier loves escaped? Shunned me? Ran away? Why I had to painfully let go?

I am not taking your names. But if and when you read, you will know that as I write this blog, I am feeling sorry. Depressed. Bad. Feel like rewinding the clock. Coming back to you, even if only for an evening and telling you that I am sorry.

I know I was wrong. I intruded your space. I suffocated you with my love. I demanded attention. 24x7. I demanded that you love me back my way. And FAST.

I showed the entire world what I felt for you.

Yesternight when she called, all the statements you all said years ago, made a lot of sense. I had no regrets until now. Now, I feel at least one of you could have just told me so. I wouldn’t have let you go.

I wouldn’t have hurt you with my suffocating love.

I wouldn’t have demanded.

I wouldn’t have been there always. Like a shadow beside you. Even at nights…

I would have let you grow. Evolve.

True loves, all I have to say to you all is: “I am sorry. Forgive me.”

I wonder where you all are now. Hope you are fine. Do you still wear that white salwar kameez of yours?

Koochie, I can never thank you enough. I’ll forever be indebted to you for helping me realize truths that were staring at me for years. Koochie, I love you.